Number 23 and His confirmation in me

 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. –Jeremiah 29:11

 

So as you begin to read you probably don’t attach much significance to the number 23, but there isn’t a number that means more to me than that number. Before I get started talking about this important part of my testimony, I must say there are many different ways our Heavenly Father can speak to us. Sometimes it is through numbers that He makes significant in our life to get His message across, sometimes it is other people that the Holy Spirit speaks through, it may be that you open up the good book to take in His word on your own and it just speaks to your heart like only the Holy Spirit can do, He can and will answer your prayers if you truly believe and put your trust in Him knowing He will never forsake us and His love doesn’t fail. So to get started..

As a young kid, in and out of foster care I attended church off and on with my one foster family. But it never stuck because as soon as we returned to our parents, the drugs and alcohol, sex and their needs took top priority over us after a short time, domestic violence would surface and it was life on repeat. I always had faith though, prayed to God nightly, just wanted to be comforted and feel like I belonged because I didn’t receive the love and affection that children needed, so even as a small child I knew who my Heavenly Father was and what He was capable of, I just wasn’t aware of how to maintain an intimate relationship with Him because it is something you are taught and that was never addressed to me. But now being 23 looking back I know He was watching over me and comforting me, keeping me out of harms way, now you might think, you are saying He kept you out of harms way, but you were sexually abused, witnessed domestic violence and was in and out of foster care, suffered from neglect and abandonment. And yes that is true, but He gives the people He knows can handle the struggles and pain, to be rebuilt into the Godly men and women He needs to be His hands and feet on this earth. It caused pain, and now personal growth, but it could have been a lot worse, it could have been a lot worse, instead of my parents beating each other they could have beat us, we could have been killed, my parents could have carried out suicide rather than just attempting, I mean you might look at the negative and say “Wow, for being so young you have been through so much” <— the glass half empty look or you can say yeah I have been through a lot but I know God has been there all along, He knew me in and out and knew how my story was going to go, He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but nothing worth it is ever easy, He didn’t want me to stay the person I used to be, filled with hurt stored up way down deep, affecting me in numerous ways, He wanted to open my eyes to the harm that was done, prove to me His love is real, and it never fails and He has been there all along, and all of the humanly flesh may fail us, but He never will. And show me, when you trust in something bigger than yourself and your understanding, and trust in Him and his extraordinary plan for your life, as His child, He will make you soar on the wings of eagles, spreading His great word and glorifying Him.

You may ask, “Well why do I have to trust in Him for Him to work in my life, if He is God and we are His children” Well what good would it do anyone if He just handed out miracles and His good work? And not require us to die of our old selves and to take up our cross daily and trust in Him, who knows best. If you do that, and trust in Him and His plan, He can and will begin to work in your life, but you cant continue to live in total abandon and expect Him to work amongst you, that isn’t glorifying Him, that would be like you spitting in His face time and time again after He helps you out. Who would go for that? Certainly not anyone on earth, so why should our Father, Jehovah, our Creator. Make sense now?

But anyways back to the main theme, at the age of 14 I was going down the wrong path, not doing anything terribly wrong but the crowd I was hanging with did not glorify God, I was smoking cigarettes and no one stopped me, but on March 23rd 2004, I stopped cold turkey, I didn’t want to be smoking and end up having my parents bury their son, it was easy once I put my mind to it and never had a desire to do it again, actually have no idea why I did it to begin with but I know its because I wasn’t raised properly and had no discipline but I grew up quick and was no dummy. So that’s the first instance of 23, and then in high school I played football well by that time I was hooked on number 23, so I drew number 30 for the season and I wanted 23 so I went to the kid who had 23 and he agreed to swap numbers with me, all glory to God. Because people normally don’t give up their numbers easily, he didn’t even argue or attempt. So I wore 23 my senior year just months after struggling with self harm and low self esteem, feeling like damaged goods, so who was in that? If you said God, you were right. And so as life went on, I still loved number 23, and clung to it no matter what I was doing. So last summer rolled around and I was so pumped I have thought for years, when I turn 23 my life will be amazing I will live it up and remember it forever, besides all of the talk about the world ending and the publicity that surrounded that, I was not scared. But little did I know 2+ months after turning 23 I would be diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from childhood trauma, having flashback, avoiding things that I never avoided and was never bothered by before and always on alert constantly felt I was in danger or something bad was going to happen, try living like that? Especially 10+ years after the traumas stopped and you were the first person in your immediate family to graduate high school, attend college, been on your own since 19, EMT and firefighter, you live to help people, was working 60-85 hours a week for 6 months making good money between 2 jobs and then your whole world just comes crashing down, but after 2 weeks of suffering God spoke to me and told me to go to church, God placed a wonderful youth Pastor in my path who had just moved to Ohio from North Carolina, still with me another God move, was baptized after being mentored by that fine young man, on November 11, 2012 also known as Veterans Day and is considered by some as PTSD awareness day, although it is in June due to Veterans being prone to PTSD, another God move, it clearly wasn’t planned by the church, I still wasn’t certain on what PTSD exactly was at that time, I prayed for my father who had just gotten out of prison to be shown Gods way and for Him not to bring any harm to Him but to do what He had to do to get his attention, my dad could’ve went back to prison for drinking but didn’t, he slept under a bridge after being denied by 1 Christian recovery center in 25 degree weather to go to another one in the morning which accepted him. An answered prayer, when my father and I hadn’t spoke in weeks and had no clue I was even praying for him. I became a member of my church on February 17th, 2013. I have seen God lead more Godly people into my lives and pull me from others who were holding me back from doing His work and carrying out His plan for my life. God doesn’t like anyone to hold His children back from doing all that they can do. Now that’s a wonderful Father, Amen?

I witnessed Mr Bill Triplett, a former NFL players testimony last night and numerous times, he stared right at me while speaking, there was 25+ of us, could’ve had stared at any of us, he chose me, but it wasn’t him, it was the Holy Spirit confirming in me, the plan I have been questioning that God has for me to pursue ministry. My foster mother and 2 pastors who didn’t know me mentioned ministry to me months ago and I never even thought about it much, I just shook it off, mentioning youth Pastor positions and stuff but I didn’t see it, now I do. And it has been  confirmed by numerous Godly brothers and sisters, and in the Holy Spirit also. So now to carry out God’s mission, glorify Him, boast in my weaknesses, knowing He will always be there and His judgment is all that matters. So, after PTSD and how miserable I was the last 6-8 months, I questioned how great my 23rd year on this earth would be and could’ve easily said I had many others that were better, but now seeing what God has done and the work He has been busy doing, this has easily been the best year of my life. He has a plan for each and every one of us, but He gives us the ability to make a choice, either we can surrender and bow down to Him and He will show us His way or we can take it upon our understanding and try to do it on our own, if you choose to do it that way, good luck, but I’m here to tell you, its much easier to look to Him, He is never wrong, He is always on time and has plans to help us prosper and not to harm us. He will never give us anything that we cannot handle as He knows how our story will begin, how it will go and end.

One last thing regarding 23, the last 2 days a particular scripture kept running over and over again in my head, not the whole thing as I haven’t read it in quite a while and haven’t heard it either, but I kept saying “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…” so this morning I still couldn’t shake it so I looked it up, to my surprise, Psalm 23. There’ that number again. God is good!

Now I am on a mission, a Godly mission, to pursue ministry, to help spread our Fathers word and my testimony that glorifies His amazing work and plan. He works for the good of those who love Him. I have my first testimony scheduled for this Sunday and am in contact with many people to get me travelling often to different places to share the good word and what He is capable of.

God Bless