You Can Change This Lord; But Not That, Please.

 

First off I would like to say good morning, and sorry for being MIA for a while. I was and have been still dealing with PTSD, and on top of that I had been weighing some changes in my professional life. But I would like to say I am back, and things are going better than they have in quite some time. PTSD still causes high moments of anxiety or anxious thoughts but I have learned to handle them, and most are caused by triggers I have come to know and identify. And with the help of our Lord and the desire to not give up I know things will continue to get better and better over time. The biggest thing is trying your hardest not to give those anxious thoughts or triggers too much attention or significance that way your brain won’t reinforce those things being some kind of danger to you, even when you know they aren’t in all reality. But I am going to write a new post inside of this one, I just wanted to catch everyone up on some things. As most would know if they have read most of my posts, I am an EMT/Firefighter, but recently I quit my full time job to go full time on the ambulance, and am planning to go back to school this fall for my paramedic, so I am pretty excited and prayers would be appreciated.

So you see the title to my post and may wonder what exactly I am getting at, right? Or maybe you have caught on or heard about it before, but most of us are guilty of doing this regardless of how aware we are of it. Which would be to know when we were saved, and to know what needs to be changed by the power of God, and allow His love and grace for us to change some things in our lives for instance a drug addiction or addiction to pornography, but not allowing Him to change the fact that we like to swear a lot, or are always lusting for more and more, or that we hang around the wrong people,  even though we are aware of their effect and how they drag us down into old, negative patterns that we used to be in or still haven’t shaken.

So why is it that we do that? Are we afraid to trust Him 100% with our whole life because of past hurts? Or are we just so comfortable and such habitual creatures that we can allow Him to do some changes, but can’t surrender everything to Him, because we think we know better or have a need or desire to be in control?

I can relate, due to my past hurts, I have always tried to control anything and everything that I could, to do everything and anything, to prevent from being hurt again; and guess what, no matter how hard I tried or what I did, if someone was going to hurt me, they still hurt me, maybe not as soon as they would have if I didn’t try to control everything but it happened eventually and normally sooner than later; but that’s because I wasn’t trusting God, I was taking everything into my own hands and leaning onto my own understanding rather than trusting God’s unique and grand plan for my life, through the hurts and losses; and also the good times and gains. They have all been a part of His plan, since before we all were born, He knew what we would endure as His children, good and bad, from the moment we took our first breath until we take our last. Everything doesn’t always makes sense, but He knew we were strong enough to handle it, and He knew we could take those hurts and help others and grow beyond those in time and change peoples lives, that’s where we have to trust Him in all circumstances rather than relying on our own understanding just like Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”

We can all agree on how easy it is for us to think we know better for our lives or to believe we have it all figured out or if we do this or that, it will make it better. Or we allow the enemy to come in and still our joy, or fill our minds with anxious, irrational thoughts, and giving them significance which takes away how God wants us to live our lives. We are all guilty of it from one time or another, the enemy does not discriminate, he attacks everyone at different times, some more than others, he knows what is important to us and what is dearest to our hearts; and he will strike those nerves just because he knows it will bring us down; that’s when we have to know what God says and His promises to fight off the enemy and find peace. We are never alone, God is always there with open arms, regardless of how frequent your earthly parents have been gone or how frequently those closest to you have let you down, He will not. And as ashamed you may feel for different things you have gone through in life or as much guilt that you carry day to day, maybe for things that were always out of your control, God understands it all and does not want you living that way; and God has put people on this earth and maybe even in your life already that will understand and help carry your burdens, they won’t judge you or persecute you for where you have been, or where you’re at, they will see it in proper perspective and as nothing more and nothing less. And your life may blossom beyond anything you ever imagined just knowing others understand you, right where you’re at.

So with all of that being said, never fear that you are alone, even when you are surrounded by people maybe even those who love you, and you still feel alone. I have been there, people with PTSD feel alone quite often and are burdened by different triggers that seem irrational to us, but yet the response our brain gives them acts as if they were real dangers, and always being on edge and on “look out” of other people, pretty much everyone, even those who you used to trust prior to PTSD, and thinking they have ulterior motives or are out to hurt you. It takes a toll on your life, and feeling alone doesn’t help at all, but none of us are ever alone, God is always there, reaching down and ready to talk. And don’t be careless on who you trust, but not everyone is judgmental and will abandon you. Trusting in a higher power and getting yourself to trust again will help you to experience great things in life, not saying you wont be hurt again, but knowing the pain and sorrow is temporary and that none of us are perfect, allows us to accept the imperfections in those closest to us, whether it be our spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or even just friends; taking note of and understanding we all fall short of the glory of God and we will all make mistakes from time to time will help us to be supportive and forgiving to those who hurt us or let us down.

God doesn’t just want to change one thing in our lives; He wants to change us as a whole, to further His kingdom and to carry out the plan He has for our lives, so there is no limit on the changes He may want to make. Trust Him, He knows better than any of us.

I’ve missed blogging and as busy as I am I will have to try my hardest to make time to get on here and sharing my thoughts will everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say. I hope everyone is doing great, and best wishes and prayers your way.

God bless